“Mmm…”

  

  My head feels foggy.

  

  My arms and legs won’t listen to me, and everything in my mind is just… white, like I’m looking through thick fog.

  

  “…Am I dreaming?”

  

  Yeah, this feeling is way too familiar.

  

  A long time ago I researched lucid dreaming because I thought it’d make killer material for a web novel. (The novel bombed hard, by the way.) But after actually having a few lucid dreams back then, sometimes my mind suddenly wakes up inside a dream—like right now.

  

  “…Where the hell am I?”

  

  A playground.

  

  I’m running around playing with some little girl. I’m fully aware it’s a dream, but my body is just doing its own thing, completely ignoring me.

  

  “Been a while since I had this one.”

  

  This nightmare used to show up regularly when I was a kid. First time it’s come back since I became an adult. Weirdly feels kind of fresh.

  

  Too bad the girl’s face is still blurry. I can only vaguely tell what kind of expression she’s making.

  

  “It’s been over twenty years…”

  

  Back then both my parents worked full-time. No smartphone, no computer—so every day after school I was just dumped at the playground by myself.

  

  The girl who kept shoving those dirt dumplings she made into my mouth also came to the playground pretty often—not as much as me, but often enough.

  

  As far as I remember, we actually got along really well.

  

  …Until that guy showed up.

  

  “Here he comes.”

  

  A huge black stray cat struts in through the playground entrance. He was basically the boss of all the neighborhood cats. We called him Nero after some popular song lyric back then.

  

  He wasn’t fully grown, but he was freakishly big—almost the size of a little kid. Acting all high and mighty, he walks right past us and jumps up into a tree.

  

  “Nero!”

  

  “Yeah, it’s him.”

  

  “But… doesn’t he look kinda weird today?”

  

  “He’s always weird.”

  

  “Nooo, look properly!”

  

  At the girl’s whining, Kim Ha-neul turns his head. Nero is pacing nervously on the branch, clearly stuck and unable to get down.

  

  “I’ll go save him!”

  

  “No way, that’s dangerous.”

  

  “Huh? Why?”

  

  “Nero’s got a bad personality.”

  

  Nero was infamous for being a total asshole. He’d beat up other cats for fun and even attack kids who were alone.

  

  And the worst part? He was smart. The second adults tried to catch him, poof—he’d disappear.

  

  “You can’t even climb trees anyway.”

  

  “But still…”

  

  “Just leave him. He’ll come down eventually.”

  

  Kim Ha-neul said it pretty firmly, but—like most kids that age—the girl couldn’t stop staring worriedly at the cat.

  

  *haaa…*

  

  Letting out a tiny sigh while looking at her, Kim Ha-neul rolls up his sleeves. He gently pushes the girl back, then starts climbing the tree like it’s nothing.

  

  “Playground training really paid off, huh.”

  

  Back then our playground had everything: the spinning “centrifuge” thing, jungle gym, cloud ladder… it looked more like military obstacle training than a kids’ park.

  

  They’ve removed most of that stuff now for “safety reasons,” but for someone like Kim Ha-neul who basically grew up doing extreme playground CrossFit, this tree was no big deal.

  

  “Be careful!”

  

  “I’m fine—I won’t die.”

  

  Shouting the classic guy line that’s probably said right before the dumbest deaths, Kim Ha-neul keeps climbing. Knowing how this ends, my chest feels heavy.

  

  “Gotcha…—AH!”

  

  Right as he reaches the top and stretches out his hand—Nero swipes.

  

  It wasn’t just a scratch. That oversized monster basically sliced a kid’s wrist open. The sudden pain made Kim Ha-neul let go without thinking.

  

  “Uh?”

  

  I clench my teeth even in the dream.

  

  Even now, decades later, that stomach-dropping, floating feeling when you’re suddenly in freefall—I still can’t forget it.

  

  Thump!

  

  He hits the ground hard. Consciousness fades fast. Meanwhile Nero casually hops down from the tree and strolls off like nothing happened.

  

  “Nooo—!!”

  

  The girl screams and runs over. Blood is pouring from Kim Ha-neul’s wrist. He’s in too much shock to even speak properly.

  

  “Don’t die! You can’t die!”

  

  Tears drip-drop onto Kim Ha-neul’s face. Even as everything is going dark, he forces a weak smile.

  

  “I’m… fine… I won’t die…”

  

  Yeah. I didn’t die.

  

  I’m still here, alive and kicking.

  

  But that scar on my wrist haunted me for years. At school people thought it was a suicide attempt → instant bullying target.

  

  I’m not the type to just take it lying down—so if someone hit me, I hit back twice as hard. Things kept piling up… eventually our whole family fell apart financially.

  

  Seeing my parents cry, I finally started studying seriously. Got into Seoul National University after repeating a year. But I’m still basically a half-unemployed loser. What a filial son I am.

  

  “Sorry… sorry… don’t die…”

  

  Seriously, how long is she gonna keep crying? Even as Kim Ha-neul’s consciousness fades, even right up until I wake up from the dream—she never leaves my side.

  

  With the girl’s face still blurry behind me…

  

  I slowly wake up.

  

  “Mmm… huh?!”

  

  There are moments like this.

  

  The second your eyes open, you just *know* something’s wrong. And 99% of the time it means you overslept.

  

  “Haah—!”

  

  “Kyaa! You scared me!”

  

  I jolt upright. Kang Bada is staring at me, looking even more startled than I am.

  

  “Bada-ssi…? Did I…?”

  

  “You passed out. Like, completely dead to the world. Someone could’ve kidnapped you and you wouldn’t have noticed.”

  

  “…What time is it?”

  

  “Don’t panic. You were only out for about an hour. I already pushed back your appointments.”

  

  “Phew… that’s good.”

  

  I seriously thought I’d been asleep for half the day. Falling asleep in a hair salon is already embarrassing enough, but at least it’s still fixable.

  

  Still… the way Kang Bada is looking at me feels off. Her face is blank, but there’s this sulky/pouty energy rolling off her.

  

  “When was the last time you actually slept properly?”

  

  “Yesterday… uh, I mean—the day before.”

  

  The second “yesterday” left my mouth, her eyes turned into murder lasers, so I corrected myself fast. Guess she figured out I pulled an all-nighter.

  

  “…This is bad.”

  

  First meeting and I already look like a sleep-deprived wreck. If she cancels the contract now, I wouldn’t even have anything to say.

  

  ‘…Do I have to cough up the 5 million won too?’

  

  Fuck my life.

  

  This is why you don’t blow money the second it hits your account. Can’t ask my parents to give it back now… so I guess I’ll be doing manual labor on the side for a while.

  

  Wake up at 5:30 a.m., clock in at the office, go to the site, get home around 7 p.m… and since one chapter takes me roughly 4 hours…

  

  “Ha-neul-ssi.”

  

  “Yeah?”

  

  “You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?”

  

  “Uh… sorry. Still half asleep.”

  

  “I asked—when was the last time you slept more than seven hours straight without waking up?”

  

  I go quiet. Thinking back… I genuinely can’t remember a single time.

  

  The horrible insomnia that started in school never went away. Then military service gave me sleep disorders on top of it. “Good sleep” is something that happens to other people.

  

  These days I’m so used to running on empty that I just chug energy drinks or coffee until I eventually black out mid-work.

  

  “You don’t even remember, do you?”

  

  “Nope.”

  

  “…I’m booking you an appointment at the hospital I go to. Get some sleeping pills. Force yourself to sleep.”

  

  “I’m not really into taking meds.”

  

  “Then at least get counseling. If not, I’m tearing up the contract.”

  

  “Huh?”

  

  “If you want to keep getting paid for a long time, take care of your health. I have zero desire to become a young widow.”

  

  “……”

  

  She’s looking at me with this new, no-nonsense stare. No excuses, no negotiation. I just nod slowly.

  

  “And one more thing.”

  

  “…Yeah?”

  

  “Stop lying to me from now on.”

  

  “…Got it.”

  

  I didn’t mean to lie, but I got caught trying to cover my ass. Trust took a hit. Can’t do anything about that now.

  

  At least the contract isn’t dead yet. Time to rebuild my schedule properly.

  

  ‘I need to set a real routine.’

  

  Sleeping pills aren’t my thing, but if a doctor prescribes them and I use them right, it’ll probably help.

  

  I avoided the hospital because of the cost, but this is an investment—in better work and in not destroying my body.

  

  ‘Does Bada-ssi have insomnia too, though?’

  

  She said “the hospital I go to.” Maybe the perfect-looking rich girl has her own struggles.

  

  ‘That could actually be good novel material.’

  

  Lack / deprivation is one of the strongest driving forces in people—and in stories. A well-placed wound or emptiness can carry an entire plot.

  

  ‘I should ask her about it someday.’

  

  For reference… and maybe to write better too.

  

  I need to understand what’s bothering Kang Bada. Not right now obviously—but I’ll find the right moment later.

  

  “I’m stepping out for a bit. You stay here and get your hair done. I’ll be back before you’re finished.”

  

  “Okay.”

  

  Still a little upset, Kang Bada leaves with a stiff expression. Right after, Ryu Yeon-hwa comes in holding the scissors herself.

  

  “Ha-neul-ssi.”

  

  “Yeah?”

  

  “If you make Bada cry, I won’t let it slide.”

  

  “……”

  

  She’s holding scissors while saying that.

  

  …Okay, that’s actually pretty intimidating.

  

  

  .  .  .  .  .  .  . 

  

  Kang Bada stepped out onto the emergency staircase, leaned her back against the cold wall, and let out a quiet sigh.

  

  ‘That scar on his wrist…’

  

  While Kim Ha-neul was asleep, she had secretly lifted his sleeve just enough to check. He always wore long sleeves, so this was literally the first time she’d seen it with her own eyes.

  

  ‘It’s definitely him.’

  

  The boy she’d been looking for all this time—no doubt about it.

  

  Well, she’d already half-guessed it for a while. Still, seeing the proof right there hit her with a wave of feelings she hadn’t expected.

  

  ‘God… how hard did I look for him?’

  

  After that day she went to the playground every single afternoon, waiting. But he never showed up again. Even after she started middle school she asked around the neighborhood, bugged people, but nobody knew anything.

  

  Much later she found out her family had quietly handled everything—paid off whoever needed paying, kept it hushed—so a little kid wouldn’t be traumatized. When she learned the truth, she yelled at her parents for the first time in her life.

  

  Of course it didn’t change a thing.

  

  Too many years had passed. The nameless boy was long gone, and just like her family hoped, the sharp ache in her chest slowly dulled with time.

  

  ‘But of all places… here.’

  

  Fate really is strange. You search like crazy and the person’s nowhere to be found. The moment you finally give up—bam—there they are, standing right in front of you.

  

  “Are you hurt anywhere?”

  

  “Ah… no.”

  

  “From now on, don’t walk so close to the road, okay? Carrying an obviously expensive bag like that—you’re basically holding up a sign that says ‘please mug me’.”

  

  The second she saw him she knew. He still had the same face from back then, just older. He’d put up walls around himself, gotten a little pricklier, but it was unmistakably him.

  

  “Then I’m gonna head out.”

  

  “Wait—wait a second! Can I at least get your number?”

  

  “That’s… kinda tricky.”

  

  “Huh?”

  

  “I should probably start running now.”

  

  And with that, Kim Ha-neul was just… gone. Kang Bada stood there staring at his back, dazed, until the sound of sirens finally made his words click.

  

  “Officer! Over there!”

  

  “Oh man… that’s gonna hurt.”

  

  “Those punks deserved it anyway! They tried to snatch this young lady’s bag—wham!—and then this guy in a cap comes flying in with a kick like bam!—”

  

  An ajumma who’d watched the whole thing was excitedly telling the police everything while pointing. Once the officer got the gist, he walked over to Kang Bada.

  

  “Ma’am, do you know that man?”

  

  “Huh? Uh… no. Why?”

  

  “Well… it’s a bit of a gray area legally. What he did was definitely good, but technically he used unilateral violence against the suspects. So we’re gonna need both of you to come down to the station.”

  

  Her eyes flicked toward the robbers. The two guys on the motorcycle were finally being pulled out from underneath it, groaning.

  

  Even though they’d slowed down, they’d still been going pretty fast. Neither of them had proper protective gear, so they were covered in road rash and blood.

  

  “I should probably start running now.”

  

  “…So that’s what he meant.”

  

  “Sorry, what was that?”

  

  “I’ll have our company’s legal team handle this.”

  

  “Excuse me?”

  

  The officer sounded confused, but she didn’t have time to explain. She needed to find Kim Ha-neul before he disappeared again.

  

  In the end, the legal team cleaned everything up neatly, and after combing through every nearby CCTV clip, she finally tracked him down.

  

  ‘…He’s really had it rough.’

  

  Once she had his name and address, the rest was easy. She quickly pieced together what kind of life he’d lived and why he ended up the way he did.

  

  If it had just been guilt, she could’ve written a big check and called it done. But something in her chest wouldn’t settle, so she went to see him in person.

  

  -What do you want?

  

  -You to stop showing up.

  

  -Besides that.

  

  -Money.

  

  -Besides that.

  

  -A ton of money.

  

  -Besides that.

  

  -Do people tell you a lot that you have zero social awareness?

  

  His face didn’t show even a flicker of recognition—just pure annoyance. And that was exactly what lit the stupid competitive fire in her.

  

  She wanted to see him flustered, just once. So she threw out the one thing she knew he’d never go for: marriage.

  

  ‘You’ve lost it, Kang Bada.’

  

  She thought of the marriage registration form buried in the very back of her safe. Her cheeks burned for no reason.

  

  -Bada, you’re actually serious?

  

  -Huh?

  

  -Don’t deny it. You were staring at a sleeping guy’s face for a whole hour.

  

  The conversation she’d had with the salon owner right before stepping out kept replaying in her head and making her dizzy.

  

  She’d already told people they were getting married. No way to take it back now. So she could only give an awkward, embarrassed smile.

  

  ‘…What do I do?’

  

  Kang Bada slid down the wall, hands covering her face. She took slow, deep breaths, trying to calm her pounding heart.

  

  ‘I think… I still like him.’

  

  The first love she thought was long over.

  

  It had quietly ripened into something bright, vivid red.